What Does That Mean?
This is a common question asked by parents and professionals working with children. As social-emotional development is being integrated into school curriculums, the terminology that goes with it may seem foriegn. The term “regulation” is often used synonymously with self-control; however, there are prerequisites before one has self-control over their emotions.
First, understanding how the body responds to an array of stimuli, emotions and experiences is key. The body’s nervous system is responsible for the physiological responses associated with perceiving, filtering and responding to incoming stimuli. Within the nervous system, there are different divisions that play a role in how our bodies function and help us maintain a balance internally, regardless of the external environment. Having a regulated nervous system allows us to enter into a state of safety, security and receptiveness to social connection.
Another foundational key to regulation is co-regulation. Hopefully, entering a co-regulated state happens early in life. The moment a baby is born and first cries, a mother soothes her infant by bringing her gaze to the baby, using a calming voice and holding her baby in a way that provides safety and security. As that baby grows and develops, there is an abundance of opportunities for the child to experience security and process difficult emotions with a caring adult. Co-regulation not only occurs between a child and caregiver, but also occurs in relationships between adults.
Through co-regulated relationships between a child and adult, emotional regulation can begin to develop. This development occurs throughout childhood and into early adulthood, typically when the brain is fully-developed. Having self-regulation encompasses a number of skills including self-discipline, awareness of arousal levels and emotional control. It is a more conscious process of thinking and deciding how you will react and involves the ability to allow the body to respond to incoming stimuli (stress) in a more flexible and tolerant way so that the nervous system can return to baseline.
Now that you have a better understanding of how our bodies work and develop strategies to provide safety and security, we invite you to reflect on the following questions:
- How does your body respond to stress? Or have you noticed?
- In your interactions with your child or student, do you notice patterns in their emotional states and does your response offer connection with whatever that state may be?
- What are your expectations for your child to understand their emotions?